Forget the Bucket List. That's for people who want to swim with the dolphins, climb mountains and find themselves in Nepal.
I've been to Nepal, seen a bit of the world and spent half my life wondering what the bloody hell I'm supposed to be looking for.
Turns out, I ain't trying to find myself anymore. I'm trying to find my glasses, remember why I walked into the kitchen and work out why everything hurts when I get up.
So, here's my Forget it list.
1. Impressing people I don't like
Years of wearing the right suit, saying the right things and nodding at people talking absolute
bollocks.
Forget it.
If you're talking bollocks, I'll probably tell you.
2. Going places because I feel obliged.
Weddings, parties, dinners with people I barely know.
Forget it.
I've got a sofa, a television and a cat who thinks I'm an employee.
3. Understanding modern technology
Apparently my fridge connects to the internet. Why? Is it lonely? Does it want to meet other
fridges?
Forget it.
Just keep the milk cold.
4. Worrying what people think.
At 20, I wanted everyone to like me.
At 40, I wanted everyone to respect me.
At 60, I've realised half of them weren't thinking about me anyway.
Forget it.
That's 40 years of unnecessary administration.
5. Saving things for special occasions.
The expensive whisky. The good shoes. The nice plates.
Forget it.
What's the special occasion? My funeral?
6. Winning every argument.
Once I'd spend hours proving someone. Now, if someone tells me the Earth is flat, which side
Australia is on.
Forget it.
Life is too short to argue with idiots.
7. Acting my age.
Apparently, I'm supposed to enjoy gardening, sensible shoes and discussing cholesterol.
Forget it.
I still laugh at inappropriate jokes and behave like a teenager.
Only difference is, now I need two days to recover.
8. Waiting until retirement.
Work hard. Save money, enjoy life when you retire.
But nobody guarantees you'll get there. Or that your knees will still work.
Forget it.
I'm enjoying mine now.
