Tomorrow my father celebrates his 85th birthday as per the Malayalam calendar(Uthrattaathi of Thulaam). Both my sisters, Rema and Renjini along with my niece, Ammu are going to be in attendance at the birthday celebrations when a cake will be cut and my mother prepares a special lunch consisting of a few favourite dishes of his. Folks from Thiruvananthapuram will also be joining in and I've been told to keep it as a secret so that they can give him a surprise!
Reproduced below, is a letter that I’d written to my friends at my classmates’ group and a few close friends, last year which I'd like to share with you. So, here we go:-
“Dear folks,
1. On 31 Oct, my father celebrates his 84th birthday. I’d never understood the significance of Malayalees(only significant in Kerala) celebrating the eighty fourth birthday – but now have got the reason! A person who completes this milestone would have seen a thousand full moons in his life and the specific significance is that God has been kind to give that much of life to the person to accomplish whatever he wants to do in life. And if the spouse is alive it’s all the more good as it is in my father's case.
2. I’d like to, therefore, concentrate my thoughts on my father on this occasion and therefore, go back to the first conscious moment as a child after leaving the cradle, when my mind was able to formulate its own thoughts on people. My father bought me the best of toys, lots of them mind you and as a testimony to it, even now there’s a battery operated toy given to me, fully operational, in the showcase of my parents’ house! But he also showed me the importance of spending money appropriately in his own inimitable way.
3. I used to crave for the white tennis shoes with green border as it was the hip thing those days and told my father about it but he bought me a normal pair much to my chagrin and I was sure that it was not because he could not afford it but in his own way, he was trying to tell me that I should be able to find happiness with what I have and never whine!
4. He was a strict disciplinarian who always drilled into me the importance of telling the truth. This one incident proves it all.
5. When I was in the 2nd standard, one day I was given Rs. 5/- (a princely sum those days) to be given to the office assistant as the fees for the month and obtain the receipt. But sometime after our stand easy time, to my utter dismay, I found that the money was missing. I just kept quiet and did not report the matter to my class teacher – Mrs. Fernandez (with whom I was hopelessly in love and I was sure that she reciprocated it because I was first in class, if you please!) On my return home by about teatime, my father asked me to hand over the receipt for safe keeping. Though I answered in the affirmative I dithered by going to the bathroom, doing trivia and generally wasted time and my father must have sensed that something was amiss. He called me aside and asked me as to what had happened and I still pretended that I was searching for the elusive receipt. He got wild, hit me and in the process, I fell down on my open metallic school box and hurt the top of my cheek which started bleeding profusely, but the truth came out of me without any hesitation. My father rushed me to the hospital where stitches were administered on my wound. I knew that my father did feel guilty about the incident and never ever touched me or my sisters, thereafter. Of course, on the very next day he had gone to the school, reported the matter to the authorities and the amount was retrieved by the class teacher from a classmate of mine who was up to tricks at that early stage itself, with the connivance of a senior.
6. My father wanted me to be independent and was convinced that I’d always remain a sissy if I were to be with my grandparents on whom he prevailed upon that I should be sent by the normal line buses to the convent, that was about a few miles away and not by the school bus. By the time I was in the 6th standard, I was thro’ for admission into Lovedale, RIMC and Sainik School and thankfully, the last was chosen as my grandparents had voiced their opinion against sending me too far away from home.
7. I've seen him go through trying times never ever losing his cool and at the end of it, people looked forward to hear his words of wisdom - and mind you, his decisions were always acceptable and taken well by the concerned parties.
8. Years later, I’d asked him as to what he considered were his greatest achievement and his biggest regret in life. Though I did not appreciate his answers then, now I do! His greatest achievement was that he did not have any debt and his regret was that he’d let his father down once. The story goes something like this - my father was the third child (they’re eight siblings, four brothers and four sisters - the two elder to him were sisters) and since my grandfather had high hopes on him, he was put into an English medium school about 9 kms from home. My second appachi was also sent along with him to do her schooling in a local Malayalam medium school and cook meals for my father and herself and generally, take care of him. A few months into this idyllic setting, cupid struck the unkindest cut with my appachi going away with a guy whom she was in love with! My grandfather felt betrayed and my father felt that he’d let down his father, though I tried telling him that this was one area where he could have done nothing at all.
9. He loved, respected and feared his father. Must let you into this incident as well. I was doing my 10th in school then. He asked for a piece of the ancestral agricultural land for cultivation, through me, from his father. Being the cool man that he was, my grandfather sorted out the situation amicably.
10. As almost all of you’re aware, I’ve two sisters younger to me and the younger one had this problem of epilepsy and to find a suitable match for her was a trying task. Despite that, my father was insistent that his would-be-son-in-law was apprised of the fact and I really felt proud of his principled stand! Incidentally, throughout our childhood days never once did we see our parents fighting with each other, though now we’re witness to their fights over trivia!
11. When Lekha was seriously ill in ’93, she had to shift to my parents’ house from the Staff College and my father used to help her in moving from one place to the other almost for the entire forenoon, everyday, as my mother was working. When I’d asked him as to why he was going through such difficulty, his answer was simple, ‘To me, looking after your wife is a rare opportunity that God has given me and you just concentrate on your course'.
12. My father has always been tough, ever ready to give us a helping hand or lend us an understanding shoulder when we’re in doubt but the advancing age and the affliction of the Parkinson's Syndrome has sapped his energy but neither his sense of humour nor his zest for life have diminished. During my last visit home, it was painful to note that he was confined mostly to his favourite chair and groped the wall for support – his walking stick notwithstanding – to move from one place to the other. Of late, I see him withdrawing into his shell more often and it takes a lot of coaxing to get him to come out of it. Is it the effect of the Parkinson's, I wonder?
13. And from the feedback through my sisters, nephew and niece, I understand that he still laughs his guts out on my PJs and longs to hear them. Even to this day, he sits by his telephone on Sunday mornings around 9 to have a chat with us. And my mother says that the song from the movie Taj Mahal viz. ‘Jo waada kiya ho nibhana padega’ continues to be his favourite song.
14. His discourses on the Bhagwad Gita are still an all time favourite to many who come to hear them . His reading - which he was very fond of - has now been reduced to the headlines of his favourite newspaper but he continues to be an English tutor for many school and college going kids on their doubts.
15.After having said this I must confess that we've had our differences but we'd sorted out each of them and the beauty of it was that I always had this feeling that he didn't mind losing the argument and the upstart that I was, celebrated it as my victory!
16. To my father, I've only this much to say on this occasion, I'm proud of the fact that you're my father and I'd like to be born your son again.
17. Apologies to each one of you for putting across my very personal thoughts, but then!! Take care all of you. Affly, Rajeev.”
Tomorrow, both me and Lekha will call him up and wish him on the occasion, first thing in the morning. May God be with him always.
I love you dad! Have a great day!!
Reproduced below, is a letter that I’d written to my friends at my classmates’ group and a few close friends, last year which I'd like to share with you. So, here we go:-
“Dear folks,
1. On 31 Oct, my father celebrates his 84th birthday. I’d never understood the significance of Malayalees(only significant in Kerala) celebrating the eighty fourth birthday – but now have got the reason! A person who completes this milestone would have seen a thousand full moons in his life and the specific significance is that God has been kind to give that much of life to the person to accomplish whatever he wants to do in life. And if the spouse is alive it’s all the more good as it is in my father's case.
2. I’d like to, therefore, concentrate my thoughts on my father on this occasion and therefore, go back to the first conscious moment as a child after leaving the cradle, when my mind was able to formulate its own thoughts on people. My father bought me the best of toys, lots of them mind you and as a testimony to it, even now there’s a battery operated toy given to me, fully operational, in the showcase of my parents’ house! But he also showed me the importance of spending money appropriately in his own inimitable way.
3. I used to crave for the white tennis shoes with green border as it was the hip thing those days and told my father about it but he bought me a normal pair much to my chagrin and I was sure that it was not because he could not afford it but in his own way, he was trying to tell me that I should be able to find happiness with what I have and never whine!
4. He was a strict disciplinarian who always drilled into me the importance of telling the truth. This one incident proves it all.
5. When I was in the 2nd standard, one day I was given Rs. 5/- (a princely sum those days) to be given to the office assistant as the fees for the month and obtain the receipt. But sometime after our stand easy time, to my utter dismay, I found that the money was missing. I just kept quiet and did not report the matter to my class teacher – Mrs. Fernandez (with whom I was hopelessly in love and I was sure that she reciprocated it because I was first in class, if you please!) On my return home by about teatime, my father asked me to hand over the receipt for safe keeping. Though I answered in the affirmative I dithered by going to the bathroom, doing trivia and generally wasted time and my father must have sensed that something was amiss. He called me aside and asked me as to what had happened and I still pretended that I was searching for the elusive receipt. He got wild, hit me and in the process, I fell down on my open metallic school box and hurt the top of my cheek which started bleeding profusely, but the truth came out of me without any hesitation. My father rushed me to the hospital where stitches were administered on my wound. I knew that my father did feel guilty about the incident and never ever touched me or my sisters, thereafter. Of course, on the very next day he had gone to the school, reported the matter to the authorities and the amount was retrieved by the class teacher from a classmate of mine who was up to tricks at that early stage itself, with the connivance of a senior.
6. My father wanted me to be independent and was convinced that I’d always remain a sissy if I were to be with my grandparents on whom he prevailed upon that I should be sent by the normal line buses to the convent, that was about a few miles away and not by the school bus. By the time I was in the 6th standard, I was thro’ for admission into Lovedale, RIMC and Sainik School and thankfully, the last was chosen as my grandparents had voiced their opinion against sending me too far away from home.
7. I've seen him go through trying times never ever losing his cool and at the end of it, people looked forward to hear his words of wisdom - and mind you, his decisions were always acceptable and taken well by the concerned parties.
8. Years later, I’d asked him as to what he considered were his greatest achievement and his biggest regret in life. Though I did not appreciate his answers then, now I do! His greatest achievement was that he did not have any debt and his regret was that he’d let his father down once. The story goes something like this - my father was the third child (they’re eight siblings, four brothers and four sisters - the two elder to him were sisters) and since my grandfather had high hopes on him, he was put into an English medium school about 9 kms from home. My second appachi was also sent along with him to do her schooling in a local Malayalam medium school and cook meals for my father and herself and generally, take care of him. A few months into this idyllic setting, cupid struck the unkindest cut with my appachi going away with a guy whom she was in love with! My grandfather felt betrayed and my father felt that he’d let down his father, though I tried telling him that this was one area where he could have done nothing at all.
9. He loved, respected and feared his father. Must let you into this incident as well. I was doing my 10th in school then. He asked for a piece of the ancestral agricultural land for cultivation, through me, from his father. Being the cool man that he was, my grandfather sorted out the situation amicably.
10. As almost all of you’re aware, I’ve two sisters younger to me and the younger one had this problem of epilepsy and to find a suitable match for her was a trying task. Despite that, my father was insistent that his would-be-son-in-law was apprised of the fact and I really felt proud of his principled stand! Incidentally, throughout our childhood days never once did we see our parents fighting with each other, though now we’re witness to their fights over trivia!
11. When Lekha was seriously ill in ’93, she had to shift to my parents’ house from the Staff College and my father used to help her in moving from one place to the other almost for the entire forenoon, everyday, as my mother was working. When I’d asked him as to why he was going through such difficulty, his answer was simple, ‘To me, looking after your wife is a rare opportunity that God has given me and you just concentrate on your course'.
12. My father has always been tough, ever ready to give us a helping hand or lend us an understanding shoulder when we’re in doubt but the advancing age and the affliction of the Parkinson's Syndrome has sapped his energy but neither his sense of humour nor his zest for life have diminished. During my last visit home, it was painful to note that he was confined mostly to his favourite chair and groped the wall for support – his walking stick notwithstanding – to move from one place to the other. Of late, I see him withdrawing into his shell more often and it takes a lot of coaxing to get him to come out of it. Is it the effect of the Parkinson's, I wonder?
13. And from the feedback through my sisters, nephew and niece, I understand that he still laughs his guts out on my PJs and longs to hear them. Even to this day, he sits by his telephone on Sunday mornings around 9 to have a chat with us. And my mother says that the song from the movie Taj Mahal viz. ‘Jo waada kiya ho nibhana padega’ continues to be his favourite song.
14. His discourses on the Bhagwad Gita are still an all time favourite to many who come to hear them . His reading - which he was very fond of - has now been reduced to the headlines of his favourite newspaper but he continues to be an English tutor for many school and college going kids on their doubts.
15.After having said this I must confess that we've had our differences but we'd sorted out each of them and the beauty of it was that I always had this feeling that he didn't mind losing the argument and the upstart that I was, celebrated it as my victory!
16. To my father, I've only this much to say on this occasion, I'm proud of the fact that you're my father and I'd like to be born your son again.
17. Apologies to each one of you for putting across my very personal thoughts, but then!! Take care all of you. Affly, Rajeev.”
Tomorrow, both me and Lekha will call him up and wish him on the occasion, first thing in the morning. May God be with him always.
I love you dad! Have a great day!!
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