Puns.

How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people,

but none of them work.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks.

"What's your favourite kind of music?" The other says,

"I'm a big metal fan".

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday

but couldn't find any.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

When everything is coming your way,

you're in the wrong lane.

A cross-eyed teacher couldn't

control his pupils.

She had a photographic memory

but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?

I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant

but then I changed my mind.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me.

But her aim is starting to improve.

The guy who invented the door knocker

got a no-bell prize.

I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought :

"That's the last thing I need!"

Need an ark?

I Noah guy.

I used to be indecisive;

now I ain't so sure.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me,

I could do it with my eyes closed.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?

A Thesaurus.

Tailpiece.

Was literally up with the lark by about a half past 5. With nothing better to do and not wanting to disturb the others, got to sending my morning messages on What'sapp to a few of my friends and relatives. 

Opened up the house and switched on the music, around a quarter past 6, but the television had to be switched off because of sporadic heavy rains.

Wished Mini and Sanil many happy returns on the occasion of their 29th wedding anniversary. We'd the customary cake cutting ceremony followed by lunch. Asif had delivered it as usual and his aunt, Shamla had really baked the 'White Truffles' well. Earlier, Mithun had fetched Rema and Padmakumar from Pidavoor.

By 10, it was bright and sunny and the wet clothes of the last two days got dry. Phew! Rema and Padmakumar were driven back, by Mithun, by a half past 5.