Trying too hard to get what you want in life - like love, respect and happiness - often has the opposite effect : you end up lonely, dejected and miserable.
There's a part of Navy SEAL training called "down-proofing" where they bind the trainee's hands behind him, tie his feet together and dump him into a 9-foot-deep-pool.
His job is to survive for five minutes. Some panic and scream to be lifted back out. Some struggle until they slip underwater where they lose consciousness and have to be fished out and resuscitated. Over the years, a number of trainees have even died during the exercise.
Those who make it, do so because they understand two counterintuitive lessons viz.
* The first lesson is paradoxical : the more you struggle to keep your head above water, the more likely you are to sink.
* The second lesson is a bit more obvious but also paradoxical : the more you panic, the more oxygen you will burn and the more likely you are to fall unconscious and drown. In a sick and twisted way, the exercise turns your survival instinct against you!
You must have heard of a Linear Curve extrapolated between Effort and Reward.
And also of a Diminishing Returns Curve extrapolated between Effort and Reward.
The Inverted Curve extrapolated between Effort and Suckage which shows that the more effort you put into something, the more you will fail to do it.
The Inverted Curve extends to most - if not all - aspects of our mental health and relationships :-
* Control. The more we strive to control our own feelings and impulses, the more powerless we will feel. Conversely, the more we accept our feelings and impulses, the more we're able to direct and process them.
* Freedom. The constant desire for more freedom ironically limits us in a number of ways. Similarly, by choosing and committing to certain things in life, we truly exercise our freedom.
* Happiness. Trying to be happy makes us less happy. Accepting unhappiness makes us happy.
* Security. Trying to make ourselves feel as secure as possible generates more insecurity. Being comfortable with uncertainty is what allows us to feel secure.
* Love. The more we try to make others love and accept us, the less they will and more importantly, the less we will love and accept ourselves.
* Respect. The more we demand respect from others, the less they will respect us. The more we respect others the more they will come to respect us.
* Trust. The more we try to make people trust us, the less inclined they will be to do so. The more we trust others, the more they will trust in return.
* Confidence. The more we try to feel confident, the more insecurity and anxiety we will create. The more we accept our faults, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin.
* Change. The more we desperately want to change ourselves, the more we will always feel as though we are not enough. The more we accept ourselves, the more we will grow and evolve.
* Meaning. The more we pursue a deeper meaning or purpose to our lives, the more self-obsessed and shallow we will become. The more we try to add meaning to others' lives, the more profound impact we will feel.
- Adapted from Mark Manson's "The Backwards Law".
My take
In life, it's important to be your own self because the facades will get ripped off at the most unexpected times.
Tailpiece.
Got up around 6, the chores and was ready by a 5' to 10.
The plumber-cum-electrician, Bijeesh, had called up early and reported that he'd to attend to an emergency and would come by afternoon. He didn't fetch up.
Limbering up for tomorrow's journey to Kochi to participate in the Ernakulam District meeting of the co-ordinators and workers of the PN Panicker Foundation.
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