It's been a year.

04 Sep '16, the most hated day in my life because it was on that fateful day that my mom had passed into the mist of time and she'd no reason to go away at the age of 81. For me, life subsequently has lost its charm. Life goes on and I do my work, carry out my assignments and fulfill the social duties vested upon me but long gone is the enthusiasm and the need to impress someone - my mom! 

I'd got up around a 10' to 4 and remembered that last year, I was sleeping near mom and had got up at a half past 1 and a quarter past 4, to have my mom cleared off the urine that she'd passed despite the diapers that she'd gracefully agreed to wear with effect from the previous evening - to prevent me from having to clean it! Mind you, she hated such appendages!!

She was fast asleep when I'd got up at 6, lit the lamp in the puja room and went about my chores. Preetha, our maid had come around 7 o'clock and had complained that mom was refusing to have a bath. All the three of us tried to persuade her but she'd agreed to it after touching the warm water kept ready for her. She, then, was assisted in dressing up and had gotten into her white 'Mundum, neriyathum' with a matching blouse - her trademark attire at home.

After having a cup of tea and two biscuits, she insisted on my taking her to the sofa in the sitting room to lie down for a while but no sooner had she been helped onto it, she'd got up and insisted on gettimg back to the bedroom. It was then that I noticed that she was sweating profusely and was convinced that she needed to be shifted to a hospital without delay. I'd called up our neighbour who owned the hospital and told him about my mom's medical condition and had asked him for an ambulance along with the availability of the cardiologist and the medical specialist at the hospital - it was a Sunday - to attend to her immediately, on arrival.

Though mom wasn't keen to get hospitalised, I'd convinced her that we'd be able to return within an hour or so after taking in a saline infusion intravenously because that was what I'd firmly believed then. But on reaching the hospital around a quarter past 8, things had taken a twist because an ECG of her heart, taken while at the Casualty, showed a variation and they told me that she was being shifted into the cardiology ICU. And about an hour later, the doctors had briefed me about my mom's medical condition:-

      (a) Her BP was extremely low. Came to know then that the doctors can bring down an increased
            blood pressure but can do nothing about a lowered BP!
      (b) Her urine output was zero.
      (c) She'd difficulty in breathing.
      (d) And her condition was extremely critical!

I was allowed to see her and was shocked to see her breathing in short audible gasps with the Oxygen mask on. I'd called out to her and asked her to fight it and she'd looked at me as if to say, "There's my idiotic son who's unaware that I'm going and he wants me to fight it".

Around 2' to 12, through a gap in the curtains, I saw the doctors and the nurse around my mom's bed trying to revive her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing!


Tailpiece.

1. I've the following queries that are still seeking answers:-

    (a) I'm sure that had I done a 'Sayanapradakshinam' around Guruvayoorappan's sanctum
          sanctorum, she'd have been with us even now. But why didn't that thought come to me?
    (b) Was I a good son to her? I'd like to believe that I was.
    (c) Would she like to have me as her son in her next life, the cosmic factors permitting?

2. Lekha continued to be unwell, dampening our Thiruvonam celebrations but she still managed to rustle up a good lunch of parippum, pappadavum, paayasavum! I was more than happy. Hope she's able to take the drive to the doctor tomorrow morning!
             

Back at 'The Quarterdeck'.

Got up early in the morning and my sleep seemed to have vanished. As I do at such occasions, had a quick wash and recited my prayers. And drifted back to sleep, soon after. We'd then got up leisurely and Lekha, apparently, showed no lingering discomfort after her fall, last night. Rani, followed by Jojy-Saly were the early morning visitors inquiring about her condition.

After a long drawn out breakfast of Poories and vegetables coupled with Upma and chutney, boisterous conversation and photography, we'd taken off in our cars towards the waterfalls. The place had already got crowded with vehicles parked choc-a-bloc that had conveyed the thousands of tourists to the area since early morning. As we returned, I'd stopped at a vantage spot to allow Lekha to have a glimpse of the waterfalls after which, we set off back to Guruvayur.

It was then that I noticed that Lekha wasn't in her beans. She hates dozing off while I drive but today I found that she was unable to prevent dozing off, a sure sign that she wasn't keeping well. I'd stopped beyond the Pota asramam to work on my laptop for about 10'. The rest of the journey went off fine with us reaching 'The Quarterdeck' around lunchtime. Since Lekha wanted to take rest and wasn't inclined to have any food, I'd settled for fruits and a cup of Horlicks.

She was slowly getting back to normalcy at dinner time and had a light diet. The television had a lot of programmes and so viewing them helped her forget the discomfort. Hope she gets back to normalcy soon. Perhaps, too many engagements and connected travel over the last few weeks in quick succession, have tired her.


Tailpiece.

Last year, this time, mom had gotten weaker with a tendency to doze off at every moment. It wasn't a nice sight and I used to rouse her up. Much later, I was told that that was a sign of the malfunctioning of the heart about which I was blissfully ignorant..........and not once did the thought of doing a 'Sayanapradakshinam', for her recovery, flit through my mind.    

At the Athirapally waterfalls.

It was a leisurely morning. Saly had given us a sumptuous breakfast of idlis and coffee. Then we changed into our 'onakkodi' - Lekha's choice has been perfect, as usual - and went by Altaf's(The guy gave us interesting inputs regarding the Malayalam movies, currently in the theatres) Uber taxi to the venue of Hemant and Anjana's wedding at the 'Thiruvonam auditorium complex' within the premises of the Thrikkakkara Siva temple. The wedding was a grand affair and since we'd purposely reached early, we could meet up with each every relative and make conversation, which was a major accomplishment!

I'd like to highlight a few aspects that I'd taken in at the wedding:-

     (a) Ramachandrettan, Hemant's dad was congratulated on the excellent conduct of the wedding.
     (b) Bharathi chechi's relentless invite for tomorrow's lunch had to be politely turned down, with
           a promise that we'd drop by for a meal within the next ten days.
     (c) Manoj, her elder son, said quite a few nice things about yours truly.
     (d) Met Kuttan Pillai chettan of Kulakkada after a very long time. He was thrilled to meet up
           with us and has said that he'd be coming to Guruvayur shortly.
     (e) From the PN Panicker family, Suma kunjamma-Sree Kochachhan, Aniyan-Usha-ammayi,
           Kala-Unni, Ratheesh-Santhi, Sabu-Lekshmi(Sabu had nothing to eat as he was on fast that
           would be broken later on in the day after meeting up with Guruvayoorappan. Great guy, quite
           steadfast on that aspect), Kannan and Midhun-Ammu! The line up was impressive and the
           sight of all of us, at the function must have gladdened Ramachandrettan!!
     (f) Santhi's input on Vichani kunjamma was saddening. Hope and pray that she keeps healthy and
          continues to be amid us.
     (g) Ammu looked cute in her saree!
     (h) Due to Rema's persistence, all of us had ourselves photographed with newly wedded couple.
     (j)  Aradhana was at Kochi in connection with her husband, Suraj's remembrance day said Sheela,
          her elder sister.
     (k) The traditional lunch was very, very tasty.
     (l) All in all, a great get together!

We left the venue by about a half past 2, back to Jojy's house after dropping Midhun and Ammu at the state road transport corporation bus stand as they're off to Payyannur.

Jojy-Saly and us left for the resort at the Athirapally waterfalls where our pot-luck group was spending the evening. The drive was nice and we did duck the snarled traffic on the highway based on the sane advice of the GPS - in the process, ended up driving through some real narrow roads! Must confess that I came to know of this update by the GPS, only during the journey!

We reached the villas by the Chalakkudi riverside much before sunset. Charly-Rani, Gigi-Joe and Jojy-Saly were our company for the evening and it was another great bonding after quite a while. Missed the company of Murali and Radhika, who couldn't make it.

After dinner and the post dinner-conversation, there was a mishap in that Lekha had a fall on the pebbled pathway due to a misstep. Luckily she suffered only light bruises on the skin around the knee and the knuckles. But it was, definitely, a sad moment!



Tailpiece.

Last year, this date, mom had agreed to wear diapers to contain her urine flow at night. I knew that she hated these contraptions but had agreed to use them only to ensure that we weren't burdened!
     

To Kochi.

It's Hemant's wedding tomorrow between 1030 and 1130 hrs. His dad, Ramachandrettan - Rema's brother-in-law and Padmakumar's elder brother - makes it a point to attend every function that the extended family invites him to and therefore, there's no question of skipping an event at his house. His wife had passed away a few years back and he lives his life on his terms, keeping himself busy while pursuing his personal interests like for example, there's no major temple festival - anywhere in Kerala - that he has missed over the years!

We left 'The Quarterdeck' at a quarter past 12 and this time, I'd taken the NH 17 via Kodungalloor, because of the traffic snarls enroute to Thrissur. My neighbour had already warned me about the spate of potholes on this highway but boy it turned out to be worse, they're at times difficult to maneuver as they lay distributed all over the width of the road. Steering the Chevy clear of them was a difficult task but in the final analysis, I think I did a good job because Lekha did not have any adverse observation at the end of the journey!

We'd headed straight for the naval canteen to buy our monthly requirement of grocery and after a quick snack at the nearby cafe, we headed for my friend's place at Kadavantra. We reached there on the dot at 4 and over a cup of coffee, discussed many things of interest to the four of us. We'd be missing their company over the first half of the evening as they're in receipt of a dinner invite, at short notice and seemed to be feeling bad for leaving us to ourselves. We'd to tell them that we'd no difficulty to while away time as there were plenty of things that we'd to do which would keep us adequately busy during the period of their absence.

But they'd returned within an hour or so to be with us and thus, the second half of the evening was racy, that overshot on time, eventually.

Tailpiece.

Recalling the jottings from my diary of last year, Dr. Jimmy George, the Medical Specialist from the clinic next door, had made a house call around a half past 4 to see my mom. Meanwhile, I'd jotted down a list of difficulties that my mom had told me about which I'd dutifully shown the doctor. As I showed him out of the house, I remember asking him, "Doctor, is there anything to worry. Is there a requirement to shift her to a hospital?" She'd slowed down considerably over the past week but it was the effect of the antibiotic, I thought and felt optimistic after the doctor's prognosis. He'd continued as he got onto his two wheeler, "Captain sir, I and my family are going to Kumarakom for the weekend and will return on Sunday. On Monday, I shall come and see Amma and make adjustments on the intake of the medicine that she takes for her Parkinson's syndrome". Little did I realise then that Amma had other plans.....  

I was at ease after hearing the doctor but, in hindsight, what I feel bad about is that not once did the thought come to me of doing the 'Sayanapradakshinam' around the sanctum sanctorum of Guruvayurappan. Had I done it, she'd have been with us now, for sure. I'd performed it earlier, two years back, for her good health with positive results!  

I've a set of queries....

Queries keep tumbling out of my mind as I glean from the media about many things that are taking place around us. Here are a couple of those.

 (a) The Real Offender.

       The rogue and ex-military ruler of Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf, keeps giving interviews to the
        media and comes out with something or the other to keep himself in the limelight - the latest is
        that the underworld don, Dawood Ibrahim, had been provided asylum in Pakistan by him and his
        cohorts while they're in power. Firstly, why does he do this at frequent intervals? Let me take a
        guess:-

           (i) The blighter still thinks that he was the greatest leader ever to have ruled that country. He
                still nurses hopes of making a comeback and being accepted by the Pakistani people with
                open arms.
           (ii) He wants to remain in the limelight and comes out with sensational(?) disclosures. What
                 he doesn't realise is that the entire world and especially, India and the US knew all about
                 his shenanigans but had given him a long rope.
          (iii) The biggest joke was his coming to India for the Agra summit talking peace while
                 preparing for the Kargil adventure which turned out to be a total disaster for him and his
                 armed forces. Yet he'd no qualms of conscience to blissfully extricate himself from taking                    the blame! And how can one forget the way he broke all tenets of diplomatic niceties by
                 behaving irresponsibly during the course of the summit?

          Now that he has openly acknowledged his role in working against India, can't he be deported
          to our country, made to undergo an open trial in an earmarked court and given appropriate
          punishment? The charge, "Misusing official position to commit crimes on a sovereign 
          nation".

  (b) The Scramble for Seats in the Medical Colleges.

         In Kerala, it's another scramble for admission into the Medical Colleges. The latest directive
         from the court is that Rs.11 lakhs is the course fees. Consequently, the dreams of many of the
         children from poor families have been smothered. Hiding behind the court orders, the private
         college managements have resorted to their dubious games by preventing students with merit
         from joining.

         At the beginning of every professional course each year, this sort of tamasha takes place with
         blame game being traded between the private managements of medical/engineering colleges
         and the government. The sufferers are the students and their parents.

         The doctors who finally pass out will naturally, try to make up the money that has been spent
         for the training.....professionalism be damned! They get surprised and angry when the
         dependents get at their throats on suspicion of medical negligence when patients die at their
         hands in hospitals!!

         It's a goddamned vicious circle considering the following facts:-

                 (i) The private medical/engineering colleges have not been set up for charity. The
                      managements need to rake in the moolah spent on setting up the institution. And
                      I'm not even talking about the corruption that goes on.
                (ii) There are too many professional colleges and do all the ones that pass out get
                      gainfully employed? Setting up a clinic raises the costs!
               (iii) The arbitrator that should be regulating the entire process of selection, training,
                      setting up the standards, monitoring the examinations usually remain flummoxed as
                      though they've no role to play in it.
             
          Consequently, to our utter horror we find that the sacred 'Hippocratic oath' taken by the
          medical courses is diluted! The engineering graduates are available by a dime a dozen thanks to
          a proliferation of engineering colleges!!

          It's a necessity that all the stakeholders sit across a table and work out a reasonable way
          out of this vexed issue.



Tailpiece.

The entry on my diary for this date, last year, is, " I'd fetched up at home around a half past 5 by a super fast bus from Thrissur, ending my journey to Thiruvananthapuram and had got dropped at the bus stop, just 50' from our house. My mom gave me a dazzling smile as she was getting ready for her bath........ It took a long time for her to negotiate the flight of stairs downward after she'd got ready!"           

Points to ponder......

Over the years things have changed but you'll be surprised that in many cases, they've gone back to the roots....in a sense. So, here I go, along with my queries.

 * If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

 * Which letter is silent in the word "Scent", the 's' or the 'c'?

 * Do twins ever realise that one of them is unplanned?

 * Why is the letter 'W', in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be double V?

 * The word "Swims" upside down is still "Swims".

 * Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

 * 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and
    only the rich own horses.

 * Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

 * The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in '53 are probably dead.

 * If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, where and when", you get the answer to each of them.

 * Many animals probably need glasses but nobody knows it.

 * If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

 * If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day".
    (It does fall on a Tuesday).


Tailpiece.

Last year, this date, I was at Thiruvananthapuram in connection with the Vice President's day with the PN Panicker Foundation. Meanwhile, didn't know that mom was progressively sinking!

It's the same story, as usual.

Kept getting details of the miseries, owing to the deluge in Bombay, from friends. Sample a few:-

   (a) "Am stuck at my house at Antop Hill. My wife is at her office and will remain there for the 
         night. My son, who's at Dadar, has been asked walk over to my sister-in-law's house at Lower
         Parel and spend the night over there".

   (b) "My daughter's flight was at first diverted to Ahmedabad but later, had landed at Bombay. She's
         unable to move out of the airport and will stay there for the night. Better than what it was in
         '05, when she was 7 yrs old, we didn't know her whereabouts because of the breakdown in
         communications! At least now, we track her movements thanks to the internet".

    (c) "Me and Jaggu were caught in the Bombay traffic but we, somehow, managed to crawl out of it
          and reach our houses at Pune after more than eight hours!"

Have just shared the messages sent by three of my friends about the situation arising out of the ongoing rains in Bombay. I was reminded about the '05 disaster. I was on a flight from New Delhi to Bombay to attend back to back meetings at Bombay and Kochi. The flight was refused permission to land at Bombay and was diverted to Ahmedabad, finally landing back at New Delhi that very same night. Lekha was surprised to see me because I was supposed to return after five days!

What makes me feel bad is that the Bombayites are made to go through the same difficulties that they'd experienced way back in '05. Sad!

         *                                   *                                       *

It's pouring out here though it's not of the same intensity as it's in Bombay. Consequently, I'd dropped the idea of going to the bank to pull out some money for our monthly expenses. Later felt guilty about that because Jayakumar, the manager of my bank, had called up to say that it was his last day in office as he was going off to the zonal office at Ernakulam, at Menaka, on promotion and transfer. I, however, did tell him that I'd be missing his smiling face and thanked him for being the help that he was during his tenure.


Tailpiece.

These days I browse through the pages of my diary of last year to go through my mom's last few days. We're hurtling towards that fateful day without the knowledge of the impending catastrophe.