It's time for another annual medical examination and I was going about it as meticulously as ever. The first thing was to report at the blood sample collection room of our immaculately clean hospital and I sighted and wished the 'mutti kolo' sister who'd given me a harrowing time during the last time. I hoped like mad that she wouldn't draw blood from me this time.
Wonder whether my apprehensions were writ large on my face because she put a young medical assistant, under her charge, to do the needful and he did a marvelous job - I didn't even know when the needle had gone in! She smiled and commented, "sir, this time your veins are behaving(I had told earlier on this forum that my veins have a peculiar property of disappearing deep within my skin whenever blood has to be drawn). Aiyo, I still remember a lot of blood being spilled last time" - as she put the blame squarely on my poor veins because she wouldn't blame 'sir', thanks to the hierarchical pyramid that we both are in!!
Next was my turn at the point where urine samples were being collected. I've a problem here too - my bladder gives a near empty sign whenever a sample needs to be taken! And today, it was no different. As I was psyching myself to give out a few frantic drops, there was an insistent, harsh knock on the toilet door and I knew that the caller was under extreme duress. Unfinished, I came out to see an elderly gentleman desperately waiting to go round the corner for he'd collected an unmanageable quantity in his bladder to facilitate a sonograph scan.
Finally, I did manage to give my sample but the sister, at hand, observed, "sir, I do not know whether the quantity is sufficient". And I gave her the look as if to say, 'pse make sure that it's sufficient because I've run out of stock!' Does this happen only to me or is it a universal phenomenon, I wonder?
My last stop was at the ECG lab. Before me was a burly yet bubbly sardar, awaiting his turn. As he was asked to take his position on the bed, he swiftly went on to strip down to his underwear when the meek looking medical assistant at hand, not without a twinge of anxiety writ large on his face - was he worried about the sardar's sexual orientation, eh? - exclaimed, "sahib, aap kar kya rahe ho? Itna kapda utaarne ki zaroorat kya hai?"(sir, what're you upto? What was the need to strip this much?) and started moving towards the exit - just in case....?
I couldn't suppress a naughty chuckle and I only hope that it doesn't get reflected in my cadiogram as alarming spikes!
Who says medical examination is dull, solemn and drab? I veto it, pronto!!
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