Came across something while going through the What'sApp messages for the day. A source for bellyful of laughter. The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
So, here we go, without much ado.
(a) Coffee (n). The person upon whom one coughs.
(b) Flabbergasted (adj). Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
(c) Abdicate (v). To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
(d) Esplanade (v). To attempt an explanation while drunk.
(e) Willy-nilly (adj). Impotent.
(f) Negligent (adj). Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightgown.
(g) Lymph (v). To walk with a lisp.
(h) Gargoyle (n). Olive flavoured mouthwash.
(j) Flatulence (n). Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
(k) Balderdash (n). A rapidly receding hairline.
(l) Testicle (n). A humorous question on an exam.
(m) Rectitude (n). The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
(n) Pokemon (n). A Rastafarian proctologist.
(p) Oyster (n). A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
(q) Frisbeetarianism (n). (Back by popular demand). The belief that, when you die, your soul flies
up on to the roof and gets stuck there.
(r) Circumvent (n). An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
* * *
April is the Month of the Military Child.......
The official flower of the Military child is the Dandelion. Why? The plant puts
down roots almost anywhere and it's almost impossible to destroy. It's an
unpretentious plant yet good looking. It's a survivor in a broad image of climates.
Military children bloom everywhere the winds carry them.They are hardy and
upright. Their roots are strong, cultivated deeply in the culture of the military,
planted swiftly and surely. They're ready to fly in the breezes that take them to new
adventures, new lands and new friends.
Experts say that military children are well-rounded, culturally aware, tolerant and
extremely resilient. Military children have learned from an early age that home is
where their hearts are, that a good friend can be found in every corner of the world
and in every colour and that education doesn't only come from school. They live
history. They learn that to survive means to adapt, that the door that closes one chapter of their life opens up to a new and exciting adventure full of new friends and new experiences.
Tailpiece.
Got up at our usual time, the chores and was ready almost half an hour late. Did a bit of shopping from the nearby shops just prior to lunch. Saw a lovely Malayalam movie, 'Anchaam Paathira', a thriller!
So, here we go, without much ado.
(a) Coffee (n). The person upon whom one coughs.
(b) Flabbergasted (adj). Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
(c) Abdicate (v). To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
(d) Esplanade (v). To attempt an explanation while drunk.
(e) Willy-nilly (adj). Impotent.
(f) Negligent (adj). Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightgown.
(g) Lymph (v). To walk with a lisp.
(h) Gargoyle (n). Olive flavoured mouthwash.
(j) Flatulence (n). Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
(k) Balderdash (n). A rapidly receding hairline.
(l) Testicle (n). A humorous question on an exam.
(m) Rectitude (n). The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
(n) Pokemon (n). A Rastafarian proctologist.
(p) Oyster (n). A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
(q) Frisbeetarianism (n). (Back by popular demand). The belief that, when you die, your soul flies
up on to the roof and gets stuck there.
(r) Circumvent (n). An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
* * *
April is the Month of the Military Child.......
The official flower of the Military child is the Dandelion. Why? The plant puts
down roots almost anywhere and it's almost impossible to destroy. It's an
unpretentious plant yet good looking. It's a survivor in a broad image of climates.
Military children bloom everywhere the winds carry them.They are hardy and
upright. Their roots are strong, cultivated deeply in the culture of the military,
planted swiftly and surely. They're ready to fly in the breezes that take them to new
adventures, new lands and new friends.
Experts say that military children are well-rounded, culturally aware, tolerant and
extremely resilient. Military children have learned from an early age that home is
where their hearts are, that a good friend can be found in every corner of the world
and in every colour and that education doesn't only come from school. They live
history. They learn that to survive means to adapt, that the door that closes one chapter of their life opens up to a new and exciting adventure full of new friends and new experiences.
Tailpiece.
Got up at our usual time, the chores and was ready almost half an hour late. Did a bit of shopping from the nearby shops just prior to lunch. Saw a lovely Malayalam movie, 'Anchaam Paathira', a thriller!
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