Jacob Koshy. Some years back, I had to go to an old age home in Mangalore. My friend's uncle got dementia. This uncle's children and family had left him and my friend was taking care of him....One problem with people affected with dementia is that they forget the surroundings.....Sometimes for them, even kitchen or sitting room can appear to them as toilet....
His children and wife had left him because he used to beat them relentlessly when they were young. This old age home was run by Catholic nuns in Mangalore....I used to go with my friend to visit him.....The uncle's room mate in that old age home was another old man who was always standing near the window and staring outside, lost in his own thoughts.
On inquiry, came to understand that he had children abroad who were quite affluent....but he was just left alone in that old age home...that image of him standing near the window and staring outside, somehow, got etched in my memory.
Yedu Kumar. Someone once said when you love someone with dementia you lose them more and more everyday. When they are diagnosed, when they go through different stages, when they go into care and when they die. This is called "Ambiguous Loss". 'Rapidly shrinking brain' is how doctors describe it. As the person's brain slowly dies, he changes physically and eventually forgets who his loved ones are. He could eventually become bedridden, unable to move and unable to eat or drink.
Moncy Abraham. That picture of your friend's old uncle standing near the window and staring out into the distance is a real haunting one, Koshy. Perhaps there was a gleam of hope in his eyes that his children would visit him soon. Poignant, indeed.
I've one such image burned into my memory for ever. It is that of my father standing by the open window of our dining room overlooking the courtyard and silently waving a bye to me as I was getting into my car, one Sunday afternoon to leave for Kollam where I worked at the time.
Actually he hadn't called out to me before he waved and I wasn't expecting him to do it because I had already said bye to him in the dining room. But he must have felt like waving a final bye to me before I got into the car. And I wouldn't have seen him if I hadn't chanced to look towards that window as I was getting into the car. I was touched and waved back at him.
Little did I think that it would be his last waved bye to me. The next weekend I was back as usual. But before I went back to my school and before he could wave bye to me again, he was gone.
Me. Moncy, your post moistened my eyes. The bond between a father and son.
Tailpiece.
Had got up on the dot, the chores and was ready by a quarter to 10. A dull day, with rain scattered all through the day.
Selvam came by to press the clothes. He was so happy to see us and yes, it felt nice seeing him after the break of 40 plus days.
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