1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40 but 2100 hrs is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day", I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today and I say "nothing", it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did for the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east".
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Tailpiece.
We'd shifted into the guest bedroom, on the ground floor as Lekha's right knee was hurting her and I wanted her to avoid using the stairs for a few days. Got up at 6, the chores and was ready by a half past 9.
It was a thoroughly wet day. Ramesh, the gardener, had come by and blanked the gaping hole on the fence in the rear with the use of an aluminium sheet, held in position with three stops.
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