(a) Essential Friends.
They are your core group. Shaw asks you to identify your aims for life and hers are "Curious, visionary, encouraging, enterprising and purposeful". The words vary from person to person but those who among this group will accept and support these values the most are your essential friends. They are your confidants. They will stand by you at all times, good or bad. There is nothing like a conflict between two people that brings out an essential friend. Just because you fear losing a friend and ignore the conflict, the suppressed emotion can surface later. Bring it out into the open. Discuss with your friend. If you can truly cross the bridge and resolve the conflict with empathy, you have an essential friend.
(b) Collaborators.
When Prabha's husband passed away due to Covid-19 during the first phase, even her close friends stayed away. Only a neighbour she did not know too well stepped in. Prabha feels that without the emotional supportand practical help she got, getting through the loss would have been too traumatic to consider. A month later, she got a new job and moved to Bangalore. Initially, she was in constant touch with her neighbour but over time the calls reduced. She had shared an emotional connection at that specific time when her husband died which was reinforced by physical proximity. It was crucial in that context but faded when the context changed and readjustment happened. Shaw calls them Collaborators. They are those friends whom you connect with when you have time and energy to spare.
(c) Associates.
These are people with whom you have a common interest or hobby like going to a regular movie club or the gym. You don't confide in them your deepest fears nor do you ask them for life advice. You don't expect anything from them and they are relevant only when a specific related context pops up. They might be at their best while working out or discussing a book that you realise their commitment, positivity and empathy. They may even become essential friends, who knows.
(d) Mentors and mentees.
Your boss may be your friend, but it is an unequal relationship. One person has more power and control. You have an equal say with collaborators, associates and essential friends, while mentors have achieved more and are older and hence, decide the depth of the relationship. These relationships are mutually beneficial and fulfilling. But not always though. Madhu married her boss after working for him for four years and quit her job. Now they are separated - he was too domineering. What Madhu thought was protection was in reality control.
Tailpiece.
Got up a trifle after 6, the chores and was ready past 10. Kittu didn't fetch up this morning.
He was, of course, there for lunch but with very less appetite. He ate up the fish and left the bulk of the rice behind!
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