Puns and more puns.

  1. I once dated a girl who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, she was lack-toes intolerant.

  2. I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

  3. I've started investing in stocks : beef, vegetable and chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.

  4. If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.

  5. I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

  6. Did you know muffins spelt backwards are what you do to them when you take them out of the              oven?

  7. Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers. The big ones at the end of the wing are called

      pinion feathers. A crow has 16.. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of

      pinion.

  8. I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal 

      leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a standup

      chameleon".

  9. I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

10. Just spoke with Bill Withers and told him, "Ain't no Sunshine", is bad grammar. He said, "I know, I 

      know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know".

11. Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

12. The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.

13. Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court....it was brief case.

14. How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

15. I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.

16. I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.

Tailpiece.

Reached last night at a half past 12. The auto rickshaw guy fleeced me of Rs.200/-

Got up at 10' to 6, the chores and was ready by a half past 9.

Lekha and I went to Rani Menon's hospital at Ayyanthole for her annual field trials to check as to whether her peripheral vision has reduced due to the regular intake of HCQS 300 mg. She has told Lekha to meet her after getting checked by a retina specialist, tomorrow.

Returned by a half past 6. Vincent was our sa'arthi, after a long time!