Friday, September 23, 2016

I'm angry with the gods.

I'd got up a trifle early but stayed on in bed for a while more. At 6 I'd lit the lamp and opened the gate, but had already told myself that I wasn't going for the walk this morning. Narayanan had fetched up at 7 as discussed yesterday and he hugged me at the door, teary eyed. He was sad that he couldn't make it to the hospital on the 4th, when I'd called him prior to the ambulance's departure for Kottarakkara.

He'd brought the original and five copies of mom's death certificate and has promised to visit us yet again before he leaves for New Delhi, early next month. Before leaving, he'd mumbled, "Sir, you've grieved enough and continue to do so but please have your beard removed today itself." I'd told him that I had planned to go to the nearby hairdresser to remove my scraggy beard once the saloon opened at 9!

Rema was seen off to Palakkad from the nearby bus stop and I was off to the 'Amigos' soon after. Aiyappan, did a marvelous job and I'd dozed off while he went about his work silently and efficiently! After a quick bath I was off to my bank to pull out Rs.20 grand and on my way back, had handed it over to my neighbour because he'd pulled out the amount from the ATM and thrust it into my hand, as the ambulance was getting ready to leave the hospital, that cursed afternoon of 04 Sep.

The day, otherwise, passed off uneventfully. The walk in the evening was therapeutic as it calmed me and enabled to look at things objectively, philosophically. But while I passed the three temples, I'd paused in front of each of the gods to convey my anger and displeasure for having snatched mom away from me(The pent up frustration and emotions of the previous weeks had come out in torrents and I'd to let the gods know about my personal angst! I realised that my tears were flowing!!). I'd also made it a point to visit each and everyone whom I usually interact with during my walks, to convey the news of my mom's passing away.....Majid, the grocer struck with Myasthenia Gravis and his, second, Unni, Preman, the gentleman who sold sizzling hot groundnuts from his pushcart, Johnny, yet another grocer, Abdul, the baker, Lekha, the banana vendor, Oommer and Gopan of the Sahakarana medical shop and Biju of the ayurveda medicines' outlet....

Anil and Raju of the Sanjivani Palliative Care had fetched up at home, soon after I'd returned from my walk, to collect the entire lot of medicines bought for mom and the left overs, along with the adult diapers, for their needy patients based on my request to the gentlemen at the medical shop, earlier!

......Mom, I'd love to have you as my mom in my next birth, too. Hope you'd also like me to be your son?


(a) I've stopped saying my prayers as I just don't feel like it. Yes, I'm angry with the gods! Every passing day, without mom, is miserable.
(b) And mom's death has become 'official'!
(c) Mini had called up to say that she'd reached Bangalore about an hour and a half late!

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